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May 28th, 2005

03:49 pm: Ron, you bitch! Sell! Sell, you bitch!
Ha, okay, first of all sorry about the entry title. It's from a hilarious show called Undeclared that was sadly cancelled a few years ago. I watched a few episodes and woke up this morning with that stuck in my head. Anyway.

SO where the hell have I been? Well it's complicated. First of all, i've been distracted with the notion that my ex-gf (good terms) was trying to get in touch with me awhile ago. She emailed me and since I rarely check my mail, I didn't know it was there. All in all, she is completely awesome and I feel bad I didn't see it. Oh well, she was emailed back, so it's all good. I've also been busy with school, considering I need to finish a course in... I guess about 15 days now, or i'm pretty sure I have to restart it. Well besides that stuff, I haven't been up to much... visiting with friends that are all coming back from University, which is fun. Anyway, i'm alive, so you people know.

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: My Chemical Romance - Helena

May 4th, 2005

06:28 pm: Can't think of a Title.
First things first, Yoooooooooo ben! Thanks for the songs, i like them.

Let's see, today was an alright day. I dropped a few more resumes and applications off today, and it went pretty well. There's a Pizza place in town my older brother used to work at, I applied there and its looking good. I discussed my hours with the manager, and he asked if I was good to work in the kitchen, which is fine with me. He told me he's waiting for one more resume to come in, then he's deciding. So hopefully I get that one. Well I don't have much to talk about besides that, nothing going on, so that's it for today.

Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Juno - Funeral For A Friend

May 2nd, 2005

08:33 pm: Post time, yo!
Well i'm in a better mood than I was yesterday, which is good, considering i woke up this morning feeling really sick. The highlight of my day was talking to my old friend Kimmy from back in the chatting days. We were friends back then but not by much after some arguments (from what I remember at least), in any case it was cool. She's been the fifth person in the last week i've had the chance to catch up with again. We got along real well, I think mostly due to her not being as shy as she used to be, so I could carry out an actual conversation with her. I'll take these 5 seconds to say Hi to Tracey, Gemmy and Lizzie, the other three from my chatting days I had the good chance to talk with again. Plus I know you read my journal, so I better be nice =p

Well here's something that confused/angered me today. There's this game i've been playing the last few weeks, on and off, its called Fallout 2 if that's relevant to anyone. It's a roleplaying type game, turn based if you choose it to be... with a huge wasteland setting. The game has a very mature theme to it, which brings me to my problem... when a character from your party dies, there dead for good. So, i played this game a few years ago, it was fun and all, but near the end I accidently let a character die (aka. saved over my file after he was dead.) Needless to say, i wasn't playing it anymore. So a few weeks ago i reinstalled it, to give it another shot. I worked my ass off the entire game, keeping everyone alive (using 4 save slots.) Welp, I was playing it earlier, almost to the end of the game, everything is fine... it wasn't until right after I passed the point I was at a few years ago that I noticed something. Someone was missing. So my first reaction was to just stare at the screen. "This can't be right." I thought. So I look around in the area i am in, see if he's wandering or something, which he isn't. So my next reaction is to load my last saved game. I do this and do another pan around the area my characters are in... still no guy. I load the next two save files. Nothing.

At this point i'm going over my last battles I just played through in my head, i just can't remember any part of them he could have died. I'm completely puzzled. I check places I could have left him, etc etc. He's just simply gone. So whatever, i'm either not gonna bother finishing it or try and go on without him but i'm pretty annoyed I worked so hard to keep all my characters to the end, just to lose one mysteriously. Oh well, nothing I can do right?

Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Burn Burn - Lost Prophets

May 1st, 2005

04:07 pm: Well today one of my best friends from Highschool came back to town, home from College. It was really cool obviously to see him again, we had a lot of fun together in HS and it was cool to catch up. He told me all these stories about his first year at college (some good... some not so good), which got me thinking sort of. I should explain my situation before going on about this first:

Last year I was expelled from my Highscool in my Grad year, for lack of attendance and effort pretty much. Which was completely my fault and when i think about it, it's one of those times where you have to swallow your pride and take it. Anyone that reads this, if your still in HS, i swear to god put the effort in. You won't regret anything more than missing the chance to graduate with all your friends. Anyway, so my situation is that, plus about 6 months ago i started going to a Community College here to get my HS diploma, finishing my courses. Well they haven't been getting done at the pace i started out with. In other words, i've been acting like i did before i was expelled in HS. It's frustrating because I can do the courses, i know how to do everything, i'm a smart guy, i just have a huge problem with setting my priorities in order. The whole time i've been out of school, i've been neglecting most of my friends aswell, some of my best ones. People that have helped me out through other problems, i'm sure you know how it is. Well i was ashamed, embaressed, depressed about the whole thing. I still am for the most part. That's my situation.

So when my friend showed up today and began to tell me about College and the fun he had and everything, the thing i realized was: He didn't think negatively about me after i was expelled, he just thought it was cool to hang out and wanted to share some stories with me. It made me think about what the hell i'm doing with my life. I live in a small town (pop 4000ish), its hell here. There is nothing to do but drink and do drugs (no thanks). I'm 19 by the way, old enough to drink where I live, so it's not like i don't have the options to do these things, i just know it's not the way i want to live. The friends I occasionally do hang out with smoke so much weed, you wouldn't believe it. There good guys, just very wrong priorities (familiar?), which i do feel sorry for them because of. In any case, I really need to get my priorities and life in order, i'm hoping writing this down will help me do it. Tomorrow i've already planned to drop off Resumes to find a job, so it's a start.

Whoever reads this, i'd love feedback, good or bad.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: To Hell We Ride - Lost Prophets
12:21 am: First post!
Well here's my first post. I'll start with today, which wasn't much.

I woke up pretty late today, feeling pretty bad, i've been sick the last few days. I didn't get a lot done, due to feeling just plain crummy all day. On the good side, i tried some chinese food from this new place here, which i don't remember the name of. In any case, the food was delicious, so that brightened my day. Tomorrow I think i'll just relax and take it easy, try to feel better, then monday get some more school work done and drop off some resumes. Well, I talked to my old friend Tracey on MSN last night, which was really cool. I haven't talked to her in about 6 months at least, so it was really nice to hear she's doing good and what's going on in her life. Hopefully i can talk with some more of my friends that I used to chat with soon, it's been a while and I miss those guys. Anyway this first post will be short, not a whole lot to say right now.

Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Current Music: I don't know - Lost Prophets
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